I vividly remember grieving the many future milestones that I would miss out on seeing after Cora died. Not only did I miss her like crazy as an eleven month old but it just about killed me to think about not getting to see her grow up and the woman she would become. Three months after she died I attended my sister-in-law’s high school graduation and remember the tears just streaming down my face as I sat there. They wouldn’t stop. The reality that I would never get to see my baby girl grow up and graduate from high school was devastating. Those milestones seemed so far off at the time but I remember wondering how I would ever survive when the day came for her first day of kindergarten or her high school graduation or when her friends started getting married and having babies.
Today a day that once seemed so far off is here. This morning I am sitting in my unusually quiet house as my boys are miraculously sleeping in late (it never happens!!). And I can’t help but wonder how this day would have been different if, instead of just being a typical Monday at home, I would be driving my little girl to school all decked out with new school clothes and new school supplies. I can imagine that we both would have had butterflies in our stomachs, me wondering how she was going to do at school without me and how I was going to do at home without her.
Today would have been Cora’s first day of kindergarten.
You guys, the Lord has done a mighty healing work in my life. As I look back to that day when I let go of my Cora for the first time I am just in awe of God’s sustaining and sufficient grace in my life over the past four years. He truly has brought me out of a pit, set my feet on a rock, and given me a firm place to stand. He’s put a new song in my mouth and I praise Him for His redeeming work in my life (Psalm 40:1-3). But grief is a funny thing. It is a constant letting go and handing the “what ifs” back over to God. I’m not sure how it has been for other grieving mamas, but as Cora’s birthday approaches each year it seems like I have to struggle through letting go again. I let go of a longing to know Cora as a three year old or four year old or now five year old. And today just seems like another step of letting go. Letting go of knowing what it would have been like to send my baby off to school for the first time. Letting go of wondering if she would be running into the classroom or hiding behind my legs, if she would be a leader or a follower, who her little friends would be, and seeing her precious name written around the classroom instead of on a gravestone.
It is hard for me to let go. I just want to cry and kick and scream and hang on…and I can’t.
Letting go is not easy. But it has been such a good reminder for me to cling to the One who never lets go of me. The One who is always with me no matter what is happening in my life. It is so easy to find comfort and security in the things of this world, even in our families. I find myself trying to cling to those unstable and changing securities instead of clinging to Jesus at all times. Our plans and dreams don’t always turn out quite like we had planned. And often we have to let go of our plans and dreams all together and trust God with His good and perfect plan for our lives.
I find great comfort in the One secure thing in my life, Jesus.
Knowing Jesus as my Refuge, my Shelter, my Rock, and my Anchor has given me the freedom to slowly let go of gripping grief, hand my heartache and fears over to Him, allow Him to meet me in the midst of my sorrow and sing the new song He has given to me.
As I finish writing this post my boys are outside cruising around the yard in their jeep. I was watching them out the window and saw Levi jump out and tell Griffin that he’d be right back. He came running in through the door with a big smile proudly holding out a yellow dandelion. I told him thank you and that I loved him and then he went running outside saying, “I love you too, Mom! And make sure you put it in some water!” That little moment was a gift today.
The gifts of today are not the ones I planned or imagined but they are the ones that God knows are best for me. While my heart is aching for that little kindergarten girl to be running through my door after school, I am going to choose to be thankful for the gifts God has given me today. They are abounding.
The Lord is a shelter for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, have never abandoned anyone who searches for you. Psalm 9:9-10
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him. Psalm 40:1-3
We made it to the end! Can you believe we are already to week ten? Julie and I led our last local Bible study this week and we were really sad to see it come to an end. It was such a blessing this summer to join with those ten other women to study God’s Word. They challenged me, encouraged me, and held me accountable. I’m so thankful for that. So…what did you think about studying Genesis with “gospel eyes”? It seriously blew me away! I can honestly say I understand the Bible in a whole new way after doing this study on Genesis. It changed me. Here are my thoughts on lesson ten…
  
As we discussed in our Bible study group, we all agreed that we weren’t so sure about this lesson when we started it. It seemed like a horrible way to end such an amazing study. Looking at this family that was “marked by manipulation, incest, prostitution, jealousy, murder, rape, sibling rivalry, idolatry, deceit, and estrangement” (Guthrie, p. 264) I found myself wondering how did God choose them? Why did God choose them? I definitely wouldn’t have chosen them myself and it sure didn’t appear that they deserved to be claimed as God’s treasured possession.
But as I kept studying I began to feel God nudging at my heart, showing me that this lesson was about so much more than a messed up family.
He called and formed this family so that one day He could be born into it. That’s hard for me to wrap my mind around just like sometimes it is hard for me to wrap my mind around how He could choose me? “Have you sometimes wondered if, when the truth about you is revealed, it will disqualify you from being included in the people of God? Have you been afraid that when it comes down to it, God will be ashamed to name you as his own? Look at the twelve sons of Jacob. Look at the twelve apostles. And see that Jesus is populating his family, his church, with imperfect but repentant people, flagrant but forgiven sinners. We bring nothing to the table that makes us worthy to be claimed by Christ. It is the Lamb who was slain who has made us worthy. The Lion of the tribe of Judah has invited us to reign with him over his kingdom, the Promised Land God has always intended his people to live in–the new heaven and new earth” (Guthrie, p. 275-276).
I began to see myself in this crazy, messed up family. They were deeply flawed and seemed wicked and unworthy. And that is me too. A deeply flawed sinner who, in and of myself, is unworthy to be called God’s child. I am a total perfectionist (which I’m beginning to think is a curse! 😉 ). And I try so hard to live a life that is worthy to be claimed by Christ. I try to be good enough on my own and yet I always fall short. Or even worse, I think I am able to “choose” who is and isn’t qualified for God to use. I am embarrassed to even write those last few sentences because it shows you ugly pride that can settle in my heart. I was definitely convicted this week. God chose me not because I am good, beautiful, or strong. He chose me to give me His goodness, to make me beautiful and to be the strength in my life (Guthrie, p. 264, 273, 276). I bring nothing to the table that makes me worthy to be claimed by Christ. It is the Lamb who was slain who has made me worthy. I need to live in that truth.
Your turn: How does it encourage you to see God’s choice of these sons of Jacob as his special possession? Or, what else challenged or encouraged you from this lesson?
All around me I’ve started to sense the sadness that summer is coming to an end but also the excitement of a new school year just around the corner. I remember that feeling oh so well. We are not gearing up for a new school year around here (thankfully…because I’m sure not ready to kiss my babies goodbye and send them off to school yet!!) but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy a few new school supplies, right?! New school supplies are my favorite.
Sara, the owner of the darling company, Sarah + Abraham, just launched a new line of lunch boxes. She sent a few over for my boys and lets just say they were beyond excited. Who wouldn’t want a lunchbox with their name on it?
Oh, and they have tractors on them too. My boys are in love with their tractor lunchboxes.
The boys love packing their own lunches and bringing them to the tractor to eat lunch with their daddy when he is working in the field. I am sure that these lunchboxes will get lots of use this fall during harvest.
Until then we decided to take them along with us to Colorado when we went on vacation.
And just for fun we packed a snack (fruit roll ups and fruit snacks :)) and had a little mountain picnic.
Griffin thinks fruit snacks are the best thing ever.
And after our short snack picnic the boys raced with their lunchboxes. Because that’s what boys do.
Here is what Sara says about the new lunchbox line:
Send your child to school with a personalized lunchbox they’ll love, complete with a chalkboard inside for special notes from you!
These retro metal lunch boxes are the perfect lunchtime accessory with their fun designs (printed on both sides) and functional interior (big enough to comfortably hold lunch for a child of any age).
Our lunchboxes didn’t have the chalkboard inside but I’m guessing they just forgot. How fun to be able to write notes for your child to find when they opened it up! There are so many adorable options and ways to personalize these. And the good news is Sara is generously offering one of my readers two lunchboxes of their choice. Yay!!!
Giveaway Details:
ONE winner chosen at random
One entry per person
Restricted to US residents only
Giveaway ends Saturday, August 17th at 10pm (CST)
then come back here and leave a comment
telling me which lunchbox is your favorite…or your child’s favorite.
We just got back last night from a much needed vacation. There is something about getting away that helps clear your mind and refocus on what is important. I am so thankful for my family and the time we got to spend enjoying each other. What a gift. There will be lots of pictures to come…as soon as I get all the suitcases unpacked and laundry done! 😉
Since we were gone, I missed Bible study this week. Can you believe we only have one more lesson? I have loved this study so much and am sad that it is coming to an end. I asked Julie to write the lesson summary this week and was so challenged and encouraged by what she shared. I know you will be too. Thank you, Julie!
Almost everyone I have communicated with this week shared some kind of struggle, hardship, or heartache with me. It has been one of those weeks where I feel overwhelmed by the amount of pain in this world and wonder about its purpose.
As I pondered the struggles currently going on in the lives around me and thought through the trials this life has thrown at my own family, Joseph’s story of suffering before glory stood as a perfect reminder. Joseph’s story foreshadows God’s saving work that would ultimately be accomplished in Jesus Christ. It is a picture for all generations of how Jesus would complete his saving work–suffering before glory, rejection before acceptance, humiliation leading to exaltation, and descending into the lowest pit before being raised to the highest pinnacle (Guthrie, p. 239).
Joseph was violently attacked by his brothers, sold into slavery, and later ended up in prison. He knew what it was like to suffer, and yet his suffering was not wasted and meaningless. Throughout his hardship, Joseph knew God was with him and he knew God was working in him and through him. “In the land of his affliction, in the middle of the struggle, in the heart of the darkness, Joseph was confident that God was at work” (Guthrie, p. 244). In his darkest days, not a hint of bitterness was portrayed, and I saw Joseph grow up from an arrogant boy to a humble, servant-hearted, and wise man. God perfected and equipped Joseph for ministry through what he suffered.
At the proper time, God rose Joseph to a high place: the minister of all of Egypt. After he interpreted Pharaoh’s dream and predicted a famine, he went from the pit of prison to the palace of Pharaoh. During the famine, people came from all over the world to be fed by Joseph. When his brothers came to him for food, Joseph said, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” (Gen. 50:20).
Jesus could have said the same words to the ones who conspired against him, beat him, and nailed him to the cross: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. You think this was all your plan, but it is God who has brought me to this place so that I can accomplish a great and good purpose, so that I can give life to all those who come to me” (Guthrie, p. 246).
All of us have seen tragedy, injustice, and heartache in this life. However, keep in mind that nothing and no one can derail God’s plan for your life. Can you see that God did not abandon you but that he has been there with you in the pit, planning to use it to accomplish something good in your life?
Guthrie says, “God has a purpose and a design in what is happening to us from the beginning, and even though what is happening to us might not be good, God intends it all for our ultimate good” (p. 250).
That might be hard to swallow. Especially if you currently find yourself in a really hard place and can’t fathom what good could possibly come from your current suffering. If that is you, look at the one Joseph was always meant to point us to–our saviour Jesus Christ.
“When we look at the cross, we see the most innocent victim, the most immense suffering, the greatest injustice, the most hurtful betrayal, the greatest physical and emotional agony. Surely putting the pure Son of God on the cross was the greatest evil of all time.
But was it not also the greatest good ever accomplished? Because of the cross, guilty sinners like you and me don’t get what we deserve-punishment. Instead, we get what we don’t deserve-the mercy and forgiveness of God. When we look at the cross, it fills us with confidence that God is sovereign over everything-including evil and suffering. And if he can intend the evil and suffering of the cross of Christ for such amazing good, we can begin to believe that he can and will use what is evil and may seem senseless in our lives for good.” (Guthrie, p. 250).
Sometimes, like Joseph, we get to see the purpose of our suffering in this life. Other times, we may never know how God is using our loss for good. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a purpose.
“We know that for those who love God all things work together for good.” (Rom. 8:28)
Your turn: We’d like to believe that if we belong to God and we are living lives that are pleasing to God, then his presence in our lives will protect us from significant suffering. What aspects of Joseph’s experience, as well as that of other people in the Bible, help us to see that obeying God does not necessarily protect us from suffering? Or, are there any experiences in your life that, although painful or hurtful, you can already see God using for good in your life?
Could you relate to Jacob in this weeks lesson? I would like to say that I would never make a big mess out of my life like Jacob did but the truth is I often do. I see myself in Jacob. I’ve done the same things we see Jacob doing in this lesson…deceiving, longing for blessing but trying to receive it the wrong way, coming to God primarily for what I can get from Him not to have more of Him, and struggling over and over again to control my life instead of giving God full control. But also like Jacob, God has chosen me. He is patient with me as he transforms me into the image of Christ. When I am faithless, He remains faithful. He pursues me even when I continue to screw up. And His strength is seen in my many weaknesses as He uses my life for His glory despite my failures. Praise God for the hope I have in Christ!
Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God. Psalm146:5
After studying this lesson I have been thinking a lot about blessing. What does it mean to be blessed by God? For a lot of my life I saw blessing in the context of the good things I wanted or thought I needed that God gave to me. While God definitely deserves the glory for all the “good” things in my life, I think I have been missing something big.
“Many of us come to God initially and primarily for what we can get from him. We’re savvy consumers, and we see God as the source of the many things we want but have been unable to get on our own. We think we have the system worked out—we are supposed to pray and go to church and try to be good—and that puts us in good stead with God so that he will be disposed—even obligated—to give us the things on our prayer list—good health for ourselves and those we love, freedom from the ache of need or the intense pain of loss, freedom from the frustration of struggle” (Guthrie p211).
So what does Biblical blessing look like? Through Jacob’s life we see that:
- Blessing comes not through grasping, but through trusting and being willing to wait on God (p215).
- Blessing is not merely getting things from God, but experiencing the presence of God (p217).
- Blessing is not God giving to me but God working in me, changing me into the image of Christ (p220).
- To be blessed is not to live free of struggle, but to cling to Christ in the midst of the struggle (p223).
I want to see blessing even in my struggles as I become desperate for God and cling to him in a deeper way than I have before. Some of the hardest, most sorrowful times in my life have been the most intimate times in my relationship with Jesus. I pressed into Jesus and He met me in the midst of my deep sorrow. As I experience times of loss, God gently and lovingly reveals to me that I already have everything I need in Christ.
I wish that would be the end. No more struggles. But I often find myself sliding back into the natural attitude of our consumerist culture–coming to God to see what I can get from him rather than coming to God to get more of Him. I have to constantly die to my selfish desires and to myself. And so often that means waiting and trusting in God’s timing. I have to believe the truth that,
“Jesus is the greatest blessing God could ever give to you, and because he has given Christ for you and to you, you have everything you need. ‘He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?’ (Rom. 8:32). You don’t have to grasp or grab; you need only to open your arms and receive” (p226).
Jesus is our greatest blessing.
He is truly all we need.
He is enough.
Your turn: In our consumerist culture it comes naturally to approach God looking for what we can get from him rather than seeking how we can get more of him. Can you see this in your own life?
This is an online study of The Promised One by Nancy Guthrie.
You can find all the study information here and here.
Past lessons can be found here: lesson one
lesson two
lesson three
lesson four
lesson five
lesson six
lesson seven
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flowerpowermomma - bless your beautiful momma-heart.
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Kylie - I’ve read your blog for a very long time and you inspire me so much. Each time you write about Cora I cry because the pain you go through is just unimaginable. But you are so honest and you give your grief to God in such an awesome way. You make me want to be a better Christian, wife and mom every time I read your words. Thanks for being real! So thankful Levi was able to be so sweet just when you needed it.
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Krista - Oh Jess, what a beautiful post. Your faith is amazing. I don’t know if I could be so graceful, actually I am sure I couldn’t. I am saying a prayer for you right now. I so wish you were able to see that sweet little kingergartener in the flesh today but what a wonderful gift He has given you that you are able to count your blessings. You are a wonderful mama. Hugs from Florida.
babykatesmom
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Alicia Cooper - If this was Facebook and I could hit the like button on Kylie’s comment I would do it a thousand times. She Sid everything I was thinking as I finished reading your post. You really are an inspiration to so many for so many different reasons!
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Aimee - I have read your blog for a long time and it seems like the day I need to hear something you happen to write about it! I have been struggling with my faith lately and things just don’t seem to be going the way that I want them to or need them to! But never fail, you always say the words that ease my mind and warm my heart! My stuff is small stuff and I need to let it go and enjoy the small moments with my kids! Thanks!
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gin - i read this with tears. I am so sorry as your heart aches for your Cora. I am thankful that you can share God with us on your blog. We lost a baby at 5 months pregnant, and I wonder what she would be like, how it would be with 4 kids instead of 3. Thank you for reminding me of God in my life.
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Kimberly - I agree with Kylie’s comment above– I love your honesty and your sweet spirit. It brings rears to ny eyes. Every time you write about Cora, I think of what a sweet reunion you will have with her in Heaven.
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Michelle from Australia - As I drove my kiddos to school today, I thought of this post and cried. I wish your reality was not without Cora. I wish my reality was not with two children with special needs. But I remind myself day after day, it is not the hand of cards God has dealt us. It is how we play them that matters. God Bless you Jess and thank you for sharing your journey with us lucky enough to ‘know’ you. M x
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Toni :O) - I really gulped reading your words. I cannot believe I’ve been a follower of yours for so long, time just seems to whiz by and yet Cora is still so real in my thoughts and prayers. I pray for you all so often, to bring healing grace, comfort and peace. You have unimaginable pain and yet your faith is so prevalent. I cling to my faith as much as your cling to yours and I’m so grateful for that faith, for that honesty, for Jesus in our life. It’s truly comforting and I’m thrilled that those two sweet boys of yours bring you so much joy and laughter and of course a different kind of sweetness. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, so many of us still stand behind you trying to lift you up and encourage you. You truly inspire all of us, thank you for that. :O)
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jennifer rogers - I have followed your blog ever since Cora was in the hospital. You are a strong woman. I am so sorry that you didn’t get to live that milestone with Cora today. Life is not fair and it just stinks that we cannot have our loved ones with us all the time but know that she is with you and watching over you and I truly believe that one day you will be reunited with your sweet baby girl once again and when that day comes you will never have to let her go again!!! Hugs to you today!!
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Aly - I stumbled across your blog a couple of years ago and have been reading ever since. Finding you was the mighty work of the Creator. Though our stories are different, I too have a daughter that I long for. Tomorrow, she would be 22 weeks old. She went to be with Jesus a few short hours after her birth. While I am still in the pit you speak of, I know that someday my feet will find solid ground. Thank you for sharing your heart.
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Amy - I read this tonight and my heart hurts for you…you are a truly gifted writer, and your words really touch people. A lot of people I love have lost people that they love lately, and your perspective is one that they can really relate to. I pray that you will cling to the verses that you quoted, and that you find peace in them even as the days/months/years march on. Much love to you, Jess.
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Julie - Thanks so much for sharing. You’re a living testament that His mercies are new every morning.
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Lindsey - You are amazing
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Andrea - Jess-this was beautiful. Thinking of you today and crying some tears with you 🙂 hugs
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Erica - Oh Jess. I can feel the heaviness of this day for you and one day I’m not looking forward to either. One thing I’ve been thinking about lately has been if I don’t let go I don’t have open hands to cling to Jesus. It’s helped reminding myself of this, but man is it tough. Love you friend and would love to connect while we are in the states. We’re in Wichita now, but have a couple of trips planned the next couple of weeks. One of which is to the Respite Retreat. Thank you so much for recommending it. I’m praying for a boring couple of weeks with this pregnancy so we can go.
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Leah S. - My heart longs and aches with you on this day, though it cannot begin to fathom the depth of your pain. I am so thankful for the freedom and peace and beauty from ashes we are able to experience through Christ alone. Praying for you, and thinking of you!
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Trisha - My Nate (also born 3/5/08) would be heading off to Kinder in Sept. I had a really hard time in the spring when our school kept sending out emails reminding mamas to “register their kids for kindergarten”. Ugh…it slapped me upside the head on a weekly basis.
Now that everyone is getting ready to start school I’m feeling it again. It’s not the same overwhelming grief that I felt 5 years ago…God sent a rainbow and many blessings along the way. But, it’s still raining (you can’t have a rainbow without rain) and some days I just feel sad that I won’t get to raise my son.
I’m sorry that you know this pain too but blessed to know that I am not alone 🙂
Hugs,
Trisha
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Nirupama - Your Cora is so well loved. I cried as I read this post too. I reread Anne of the Island after losing our baby early in pregnancy thus spring. Anne lost her first baby and said she didn’t want to meet her all grown up in heaven and not know her. She said later that she felt she saw her grow up and a new baby didn’t replace her. I think the way you think of Cora at each milestone, each birthday is so similar. It is a way of knowing her, watching her grow up until you meet again in heaven. Praying for you and your sweet family.
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Jamie B - Thank you for sharing your heart. You have a beautiful gift of writing.
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Susan in Indiana - Your words are beautiful and inspiring. Your witness is indescribable. I started reading your blog when sweet Cora was in the hospital and have read it faithfully since then. Thank you for sharing your heart with us and helping us all to walk closer to our Lord. Your words bless me and help me be a better mom, wife and Christian. Praying for you!
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Katie D - Thank you for sharing from your heart what God has been teaching you. While our situations are not the same, I can relate to what you said. We have had 2 miscarriages in the last 7 months (one at 14 weeks and one at 6 weeks). It is hard not to think about the “what ifs,” but that is only a downward spiral. We are to set our eyes on things above. When my emotions tell me one thing and scripture tells me another I must choose to hold fast to God’s Word. It is true and unchanging.
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Kim E. - You wrote, “But grief is a funny thing. It is a constant letting go and handing the ‘what ifs’ back over to God.” That is it exactly! Those “what ifs” are so hard, and they seem to come round for me as my older daughters are experiencing new things that my youngest daughter will never get to. It’s kind of like living in two different places at the same time. So, so bittersweet.
Thank you for sharing your heart so beautifully.
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Amanda - Beautifully said Jess.
Prayers for continued strength as you endure all the would be special days. Your faith is inspiring! Thank you for sharing.
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Mary Ann - So many times we take for granted those every day things…bathing a child, helping them dress, reading to them, seeing them on their first day of school, taking pictures, having birthday parties…I can’t begin to imagine how hard and difficult it is for you and your family to be missing your adorable Cora. What a treasure the pictures and memories you do have of her are to you!! She must be so proud of her parents and her darling brothers. You must be so proud of her and so happy she picked you to be her mother. The Lord is mindful of your sorrow and heartache but I pray that his tender and most generous mercies attend you as you continue to live life and raise your boys. You are right…we don’t need to look very far to see the goodness and blessings in our lives. Even in loss, there is triumph–just like our Savior, he was at his lowest in the Garden and on the cross but he triumphed over death so that we could also triumph over death. He did for us what we cannot do for ourselves. All we do is the best we can and all will be made perfect someday. Good thoughts and a wish for a joyous day today!!
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chantelle - My Mommy heart aches for you. You are so brave and strong. What a beautiful reminder to live for each moment. Hugs!
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Jenni - this was so great for me to read! jess, you have come such a long way! And it would have been a very special a day for you, and one that is ok to miss and be sad about, but release to the Lord, which you are doing so well! I needed to hear this. I just sent my oldest to kindergarten, but it started a wave of emotions for when I send my second daughter to kindergarten next year, since I am not her bio mom all I could think about was how much my sister (her bio mom) should be the one doing it, how the kindergarten first day of school moment should be for me sister and not me…… It is still a year away and I am already emotional about it, crazy pregnancy hormones! You post was such an encouragement to me, the Lord knows, He has such wonderful plans and he can help me release the pain and sorrow to him, he wants to carry my burden. Thank you for being a continual encouragement to someone you don’t know even far away!
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creole wisdom - Sending you lots of love from Minnesota 🙂
You are so right, Christ is our foundation and the only real foundation.
I read somewhere that grief isn’t linear. I think that’s an excellent description. I look forward to the day where all the wrongs will be made right.
I remember in your archives somewhere that you said that even though missing Cora during your relative’s graduation was hard, Joel reminded you that Cora has experienced the ultimate graduation and promotion… heaven!
I know she’s right up there smiling down on you and praying for you as you continue daily life.
xo
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Laura - This is, perhaps, one of the most poignant posts you have ever written. I have been a reader since Cora was sick, and rarely comment, but pray behind the scenes. You posses such amazing strength and wisdom. I know you have said that Cora has led many people to Christ, and I agree.. but I feel that your dignity and grace and love of The Lord has led many many people as well. My heart ached all over for you at the thought of what you are missing with Cora, and yet, as a mom of a son I know what you are gaining with the boys. God and Cora are working through Levi and Griffin to share with you His grace and peace as only He can. You are such a blessing to so many and I think you truly have no idea how deep that reaches. What a blessing for your children to be able to look back and see these words and know how deeply they were loved and treasured. Praying for God’s love and comfort to wash over you and Joel.
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Sally Morrison - Oh Jess, I’ve been reading your blog since Cora died. I lost my little boy in 2008 and experienced the same milestone this week. You could not have explained the feelings any better – this is one of the most beautiful things you have ever written. Thank you!
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kim - Thank you. For sharing your Cora..your family..your faith..your journey..
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Brandi W. - What a beautiful post. I cried while I was reading it. I sometimes question why Carson has mild Autism but I am so lucky that I get hugs and kisses from such a sweet boy and his little Brother. I am lucky that he can talk and some other parents aren’t that lucky. I love that Levi knew just what his Mom needed. What sweet boys you have. Big hugs from NC. I love your blog and how honest you are in your posts.
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Melissa Joy - You are a beautiful example of Christlikeness, Jess, and I am so honored that you share your heart ~ and such sweet glimpses of Cora ~ with us.
I’ve never met you, but I think of you, and your 3 kids, often. It’s beautiful to see so many aspects of Christ in you; not the least of which are the extremities of joy & sorrow.
God bless you as you think of your daughter and the milestones that continue coming…
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Tay Pegg - from Australia! - Jess! Your blog is amazing. I’ve been following for years now, and copied your bump photos from when you were pregnant with Levi! Anyway, I love your writing, and I love your faith in Christ in times like this. I often show my Hubby your instagram piccies, and explain how godly and faithful to Him you are. Keep up the good work, you are in inspiration
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Vera Hall - Jess and Joel,
I thought of you many times leading up to the first day of school and when I saw those little kindergarteners in the room next door. I even talked to your family members about sending you a note. However, I go busy with school and didn’t get the note written. However, I think of you often and your beautiful Cora. Love you lots!
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Lois - You inspire hundreds with your faith, Jess. Sharing your sorrows and your faith in God helps others with their struggles also. You a truly a woman of great faith and I thank you for inspiring me also to strengthen my relationship with God.
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Sara - My daughter started Kindergarten today, and I sit hear reading this and the sad tears of letting her go are now tears of sadness for you. You are an inspiration and you have shown many others what it is to love and be selfless. Thank you.
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tara - Spent last weekend in tears because I was sending my sweet girl to Pre-K. Now, in tears for you. Thank you for the perspective.
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Jody - I have been checking in on your blog occasionally since Cora was sick. I was catching up tonight, and just read your words about missing her as a kindergartener. I just wanted you to know last month when my daughter started kindergarten, I thought of you and your husband when I kissed her goodbye for her first day. I thought of Cora and I remembered that she would have been starting school too, and I said a prayer for all of you.
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august 18, 2015 » The Macs - […] to explain. You see, I should have been sending Cora to kindergarten two years ago. I remember what “should have been” her first day of school so vividly. I started seeing the cute little photos of her friends with their new backpacks coming […]