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You know that cozy-warm feeling you get when it starts getting cold outside? You want to pull out your sweaters and throw on a scarf as you walk out the door. You want to sit by a crackling fire in the evenings and snuggle under a blanket…or turn on the space heater if you don’t have a fireplace like me! You want to bake something or sip a warm drink. You can’t wait to pull out the Christmas decorations and the excitement of the holidays starts setting in.

It is starting to feel like winter around here. We even had a few snowflakes falling in Kansas yesterday. And today I am having that cozy-warm feeling. But not because of the weather or the sweater I wore this morning. This cozy-warm feeling is because of a group of ladies who were such an encouragement to me this morning.

About three weeks ago I was sharing with someone how I really felt like God was asking me to be faithful to share my story. I wasn’t sure what that looked like, but I knew that I needed to be obedient. Remember this prayer I shared with you a few weeks ago?

I too pray that as long as I have breath I would be faithful to use Cora’s story for His glory, that I wouldn’t stop asking Him to bring forth the fruit that He desires from her short little life.

That really is my desire and I want to be faithful even if it is uncomfortable for me. Guess what? The next day I received an e-mail from Stephanie asking if I would be willing to share with her Bible study group…in three weeks. Yikes! Three weeks meant not very much time to prepare. And this time it was a small group. A small group of women I had never met before. I would be sitting at a table amongst them, not standing at a podium with my notes. I could have come up with a thousand excuses why I shouldn’t do it, but I felt that nudge telling me I needed to be obedient. Even if it meant stepping out of my comfort zone again.

So this morning I hopped into my car and put the church address in my phone to get directions. I got to my destination and could tell that I was totally in the wrong place. I only had five minutes before I was supposed to be there. I had communicated with Stephanie over e-mail and didn’t even think to ask for her phone number in case I got lost. I was starting to feel nervous and I hadn’t even started talking yet! Fifteen minutes later I figured out how to get there (yes, I am directionally challenged) and I quickly prayed in the parking lot that the Lord would still use me to speak His truth even though I was late and frazzled.

What a blessing to be a part of that Bible study this morning. The ladies were still giving announcements when I walked in and they were so gracious to me. I shared my story and what God had been teaching me and then they asked me questions. Through interacting with them I got to hear some of their stories and what God had been doing in their lives. These women had such a desire to know God deeply. So cool.

After the Bible study Kristy offered to take me out to lunch. She has been following my blog since Cora got sick, but I had never met her before. I loved our time together. She shared her heart so openly with me and I left feeling encouraged and challenged. Thanks Kristy!

Don’t you love that? You go somewhere hoping that you can be a blessing to those around you and you leave feeling like you were the one who was blessed.

That’s how I feel today.
Blessed.
I just have that cozy-warm feeling.

Meet my friend Lindsay (she is in the yellow sweatshirt). I met Lindsay at church almost four years ago. We had an instant bond because she and her husband were Kansas State grads…just like me and Joel. You know it is going to be a good friendship when a love for the Wildcats is involved! Lindsay and I don’t get to hang out a lot, but we have had some good times going to craft weekends, sewing pillowcases, and running races together. Oh, and Lindsay was the one who e-mailed me to say that she would be my “no pop” accountability partner. She is really sweet like that.

Two things that come to mind when I think of Lindsay are joy and honesty. This girl knows how to have fun…wherever she is, whatever she is doing. She brings joy to a room and usually lots of laughter too. You never have to wonder what Lindsay is thinking. She is honest through and through and I love that about her. I feel very blessed to have a fun friend like Lindsay in my life. Here are Lindsay’s thoughts on friendship…

In my processing of the book, Friendship for Grown-ups, I did what I always do when I am spurred on to thinking about things, I sat down with my friends and we talked. Then, I Googled it.

I found this quote from The Four Loves, by C.S. Lewis. “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”

I love it. I like how he acknowledges that we can make it through life without friendship, but that the life would be a pretty sad one. The value comes from living life with a friend.

Lisa Whelchel closed out her book with the idea that God is with us. Not just near us. Not just around. But seriously with us, in us. “Jesus didn’t stay in his own heavenly world. He stepped into ours to be fully present, all there 100 percent with us.”

I love that the God who created us, knows us well enough to know we would need a visual. He knew we would ask, “What do you mean with us?” Well, it turns out He sent Christ to be with us. And thankfully, Christ is actually here, in my heart, every day, and He desires more than anything to walk this life with me – to be my true friend.

“…and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:20.

So if friendship adds value to life and if Christ’s picture of friendship is being with us…then I need to ask myself, how am I adding value to my friends’ lives and how am I being with them?

Luckily, I have wonderful friends, who go out of their way to make me feel like they are with me and adding value to my life. They are great examples. This week I was overwhelmed by their example of friendship to me, so I thought I would share them so you could try them out next time you want to be with someone.

• One friend emailed and said “I know you are a little overwhelmed, my hubby and I would like to bring you a meal this week.”
• Another friend gave me the perfect birthday gift – she remembered something from a particular shopping trip and went back to get it.
• In response to my really stinky day at work, several friends sent me affirming notes telling me they love me and they prayed for me.
• Two friends, who happen to be out of the country over my birthday, remembered my birthday and sent me special messages.

I would love to know a few ways that you are truly with your friends or how you work to add value to their life. Please share!

Great thoughts Lindsay! So, will you brainstorm with us? What are some ways that we can be with our friends?

Would you like to win a copy of Friendship for Grown-ups? Don’t forget to leave a comment on Monday’s post to enter the giveaway. Today is the last day to enter. I hope you have enjoyed this series on friendship.

Meet Kendall (pictured on the far right). I met Kendall six years ago at my first teaching job. I was teaching Kindergarten and she was teaching third grade. We found out we went to the same church and slowly began developing a friendship. About a year later my husband and I were so blessed to be in a small group with Kendall and her husband. That is when our friendship really grew. I have many found memories with Kendall during that newly married, before kids stage. Those were the days of stopping by randomly, going to concerts, taking a weekend trip, and not worrying about getting home before bedtime. Now our time together usually involves holding babies and kids running around our feet. It is fun being able to experience these different phases of life together.

Kendall has such a kind and compassionate spirit about her. She is very hospitable…one of those friends you know you can stop by their house anytime. She would welcome anyone into her home. And Kendall has such a big heart for the world. She is so faithful to pray that the Lord would use her and her family to reach others. I’m pretty sure she would drop everything and move to Africa to run an orphanage if she could. Who knows, maybe one of these days God will open the doors for her to do just that! Kendall shares how God has been working on her heart regarding friendships…

I am SO glad I had the chance to read this book. I couldn’t put Friendship for Grown-ups down! Not only was it easy to read, but it really resonated with me. Friendships–deep, intimate friendships–are something that I have struggled with. It’s something that God has been working on in my heart this last year or so–and this book was so timely.

I think what I appreciated most was Lisa’s honest reflections and experiences. It was good to learn that this (struggling to grow and maintain good relationships) is normal–but that at the same time, friendships–deep, lasting, intimate female friends–are SO worth the time and effort. As women, we are made for relationships. That’s one of the ways we grow, process life and relieve stress!

Lisa’s struggles have allowed her to learn many things about friends. Thankfully, she shared practical ways to grow and maintain beautiful friendships–even for a busy mom and wife! Many pieces of advice were so helpful for me:

*“Not All Friendships Should be the Same”—I realized that it’s okay to have some REALLY close friends, and many not-quite-as-close friends. There are different levels of intimacy AND different connections with each friend. I felt tremendous freedom to find and enjoy friends more for who they are—instead of feeling like my relationships should look just so.

*Practical ways to give and receive—I loved reading some of Lisa’s personal emails and texts. It reminded me that, especially for this busy time in my life (with little kids) I won’t have long hours over coffee each week with a friend. But a simple email, phone call, card or text ARE meaningful, too. I’ve tried to do more of that since reading the book.

*Conflict can be a GOOD thing.–I know this is true because I’ve lived it. It’s HOW you handle the conflict that makes a difference. In reading this book, and in my own journey this past year, I’ve realized that, in times of (real or perceived) conflict, I can avoid the person…or I can pursue them. I can work to resolve the issue and deepen the friendship. I hate conflict with friends—but even more, I hate the lonely feeling of NOT having intimacy. This book reminds me to continue to pursue that. The friendships are worth the effort!

I would definitely recommend this book. If you’ve ever felt lonely, (even though you have friends!) or wish that you could reach deeper intimacy in your friendships…this is a super book to read to begin that journey. Better yet–read it WITH your friends! What a great way to start that conversation!

Meet my friend Julie F. (pictured on the far right). I met Julie at church when she moved to Kansas a little over three years ago. Julie just became a new mama. I was pretty excited when her little boy was born. Levi needed some boys to hang out with in the church nursery. Her little man is trying really hard to catch up with Levi in weight…he is a BIG boy too. Julie and I are a part of the same Young Family Sunday School class and mom’s group at church. Unfortunately our paths don’t cross much outside of church, but I always love the times when we get to hang out together. And her husband makes amazing Japanese food. Yum!

Julie is the kind of friend that no matter how close of a relationship you have with her she always makes you feel special. She is an amazing listener. You always feel like what you are talking to her about is important…even if it really isn’t. Julie is also very wise. Whenever she talks, you listen. She makes you think. Julie’s deep love for the Lord is so evident in her relationships and how she interacts with people. Here is what Julie has to say about friendship…

When Jess asked me to read Friendship for Grown-Ups I was a little hesitant. You see, I had just had my first baby six weeks earlier and I felt so overwhelmed. I wasn’t sure I could find the time to read a book and gather my thoughts in any cohesive manner (though I’m not promising this is cohesive). Yet, I was intrigued by the topic of the book. I have not read any books about friendship and it struck a heartstring with a current question I have. Part of the adjustment to my life as a new mom is the balance between the more ‘inward’ focus I both want and need to take on to take care of my family and the strong desire I also have for ‘outward’ focus—in this case for deep, intimate friendships. I am learning the necessary changes I need to make in the way I ‘do’ friendship in this phase of motherhood and decided to read this book for any thoughts the author might have.

Thankfully, Friendship for Grown-Ups is such an easy read! Almost immediately, it drew me in through the way Lisa Whelchel writes. Her voice shines through her words and the way she tells her journey of learning friendship is like a having a conversation over coffee. I enjoyed that. It felt like a friend telling me her struggles while giving advice so I won’t stumble in the same ways she did. In that way, the ‘instructional’ aspects of the book felt less forceful and more like gracious guidance.

One of my favorite parts of the book is that Lisa is adamantly promoting friendship. She affirmed my need to be loved and accepted for who I am and reminded me “it’s okay to be needy”. That’s how God created us. He wants us to be able to be real and intimate with other women. He wants us to love and be loved unconditionally. He wants us to know that we don’t have to “do” the right thing or “be” the right person to earn our closest friends.

This book also reminded me that what I long for in a best friend is what God is for me. He wants me to be intimate with Him, to love Him deeply, and to know I have to do nothing to earn his unconditional love for me. I so desire to have that relationship with God, to be daily desperate for Him and His love, to fully understand His grace. Lisa encourages me with the thought that God places friends in my life to be a good—yet not perfect—picture of His faithful love. She says:

“Friends help us find our way there. I can’t imagine walking into the throne room of grace if I had not been first welcomed into the hearts of grace of my friends. I know that faith is believing in what we can’t see, but I’m grateful that God knows that we sometimes need a little glimpse in order to have a little faith. Friends have been the visible manifestation to me of God’s grace.”

I tend to like ‘the answer’ to what I am struggling with. This book did not give ‘the answer’ to making or maintaining friendships. But, I walk away knowing that I want to continue to intentionally pursue deep, vulnerable friendships where grace and love is both given and taken.