I remember sitting in Cora’s hospital room and meeting her oncologist for the first time. It was surreal. Just the day before I thought my daughter was suffering from a nagging ear infection and now I was listening to an oncologist tell me all about her cancer. I could hardly put it together that my daughter had cancer. I was completely overwhelmed to say the least. I had never heard of Neuroblastoma. I had so many questions yet I was still in such shock I could hardly put my thoughts together to ask them. As we talked about Cora’s chemotherapy I do remember asking the oncologist if she would loose her hair. I dreaded the answer. In my mind cancer equaled loosing your hair. The oncologist was always so kind as he talked to us, but with his next words he confirmed my fear. Yes, although some children do not loose their hair during chemotherapy, there was a good chance that she could. All I could do was cry.
One of Cora’s physical attributes that I just loved was her hair. I remember being so surprised when she was born by how much hair she had. Her hair was a very similar color to mine and she often had a little barrette on one side. While I know very well that our physical appearance does not define who we are, I HATED the idea of my baby girl loosing her hair. She probably would have been a cute bald baby, but I knew her already puffy face and bald head was going to make her look so sick. I didn’t want my baby to be sick or look sick for that matter. The reality of her loosing her hair made everything else all the more real.
Cora began loosing her hair following her first and only round of chemotherapy. I remember seeing those first pieces of hair on her hospital crib and feeling so sad for Cora. But honestly, by that time the reality of how sick my baby was had sunk in. By this point we had been in the hospital for two weeks. Cora was on an oscillator and we were so concerned by her decreasing oxygen levels. I remember crying out to God all throughout the day and feeling so silly that I had even cared about her hair falling out. I remember begging on my knees for Cora to be healed. I told God that I didn’t care if Cora ever had hair again, I just wanted to be able to hold her and play with her. I just wanted to be able to take my baby home.
As Cora’s hair began to fall out, Joel and several of the boys in our families decided that if Cora was going to loose her hair they were going to shave their heads too. I wanted to “do” something too. As I sat by Cora’s bedside I felt so helpless everyday. Moms are supposed to help and take care of their babies and there was nothing I could do. So, my sister and I decided that while we weren’t brave enough to shave our heads we could grow our hair out and donate it to
Locks of Love.
Cora never lost enough of her hair to notice too much. Only her Mama would really notice. A few days after her hair started to fall out, Cora went to be with Jesus. We never got to see what our little girl would have looked like with a bald head.
After Cora died, my sister and I decided we would still grow our hair out in her honor. Locks of Love’s mission is: to return a sense of self, confidence and normalcy to children suffering from hair loss by utilizing donated ponytails to provide the highest quality hair prosthetics to financially disadvantaged children. When you are dealing with childhood diseases and disorders your life is anything but normal. I love that the simple gift of my ponytail might bless a beautiful little girl who has lost her hair.
So can you guess what my big change is??
Saturday was haircutting day. My sister has been begging me to cut my hair for a few months now. Her hair grows faster, so I was a little behind her in length. I finally decided I could handle it…I was hoping it wasn’t going to be too short though.
Here we are before we left. A last look at our long locks.
I made Anne go first. I told her that way I still had time to chicken out. She didn’t like that, but agreed to go first anyway. Sometimes it pays to be the big sister.
Ten inches measured tip to tip is the minimum length needed for a hairpiece.
There was no turning back now.
My sister has super-thick hair. Look at that ponytail!
And here she is checking out her new look. Doesn’t she look great?
Our stylist is a friend from high school. She always does such a great job. She has two sweet blonde headed little girls. They entertained us while we waited.
Okay, now it was my turn.
If we wouldn’t have been doing this in honor of Cora, I might have chickened out. Just being honest.
Feeling those scissors cut through all those layers of hair is so weird.
And holding your ponytail in your hand is even more weird. I think at this point I was just praying that my hair wouldn’t be too crazy short.
The last time I cut my hair really short was right before Cora was born. It was all pretty much one length though. I don’t think I have ever cut my hair this short, especially in the back.
Of course Aimee made me look so stylish. I don’t know why I even doubted.
I loved that I could do this with my sister. And I loved that we could do something little, in honor of Cora, to help another family that is hurting.
So, if you have long hair and are ready for a change, check out
Locks of Love. It really is fun…kind of like being on one of those makeover shows. How do I feel about my new short hair? I love how Aimee styled it, but it is definitely going to take some getting used to. Spending less time with my blow dryer has been fabulous though!
Anonymous - nice work, jess! wish i could be there to eat some of that!
-james
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AshleyAnn - I am so envious! Butternut squash soup is my favorite. I tried growing squash and pumpkins this year and not a single one made it…and killed by the squash bug. Nasty little bug.
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Lauren - Ha!!! Look at Levi’s poor face in that picture, LOL!!!!
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A - I hope Joel let you drive the big JD tractor over to your garden and load up all your squashes!! 😉
We had awesome luck with our pumpkins this year!!
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Stef - yay Jess!! Those look fabulous! I think it will make for some yummy meals for Levi 🙂
Can’t get over the look on his face in that last picture!!
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KK - Awesome! You’ll have to share what you end of doing with all the “fruits of your labor.”
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Mindee@ourfrontdoor - Amazing! Good for you. I’m curious though. What does one do with 35 butternut squash?
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Anonymous - I am impressed! Makes me want a garden…Seems as if your Levi is all boy! Lots more dirt to come…
Kim
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Anonymous - congratulations on your successful ‘crop’. squash are not that easy to raise…it looks like you have the secret. My mother used to make squash pie…it tasted like pumpkin–one could not tell the difference.
Levi — is awesome.
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Natalie - i’m so jealous! i would love to have that much squash on hand!! 🙂
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Anonymous - Soooooo very yummy!
Butternut Squash Cake
3/4 cup butter, softened
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
3 eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
2 1/2 cups flour
3/4 cup buttermilk or milk
2-3 cups shredded peeled butternut squash
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
Frosting
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 package (3 oz) cream cheese, softened
2-3 cups powdered sugar
2 to 4 tablespoons milk
1 1/2 vanilla
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1. Heat oven to 350°F. Spray bottom of 13×9-inch pan with cooking spray.
2. In large bowl, beat 3/4 cup butter and the granulated sugar with electric mixer on medium speed until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs until fluffy. Beat in baking powder, baking soda, salt, ginger, cinnamon and nutmeg. Add flour alternately with buttermilk, scraping side of bowl. Beat 1 minute. Stir in squash and 1/2 cup walnuts. Spread in pan.
3. Bake 30 to 40 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool completely.
4. In medium bowl, beat 1/2 cup butter and the cream cheese with electric mixer on medium speed until light and fluffy. Add powdered sugar, 2 tablespoons milk and the vanilla. Beat until smooth and creamy, adding additional milk if needed. Frost cake. Sprinkle with 1/2 cup walnuts. Cover and refrigerate.
-Jen G.
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mary - Do you have any butternut squash (or acorn squash) recipes to share? I have one from our local farm and am looking for a good idea of what to do with it!
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The Mershawn's - Ooo…that is exciting! Wish I could buy a couple from you. I’ve got a big squash eater…but Texas to Kansas is a little far to drive for a couple butternut squash;). Oh well. And, Levi, you’re cute no matter what you’re doing!
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merlin - I don’t know why, but this photo has me cracking up laughing. I’m sorry Levi.
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Nancy - I’ve never heard of squash cake!! Neat, though!
He looks so cute among the squash!
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Erica - levi cracks me up in that picture! and he’s right next to that picture of cora on the sidebar and he looks just like her in the picture!!
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Stacey - Hi. I’ve been blog stalking you for a while and I just wanted to let you know how impressed I am with you. You are an amazing woman and have been through so much at such a young age and somehow still remain positive. You have been such an example to me and I just love reading about your precious little Levi. SUCH a cutie! He sounds like a dream baby and you deserve nothing less.
Thanks for sharing your story and your faith.
{{{Hugs}}}
Stacey
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Katie - That is just too cute, Jess! I’m very impressed with your crops! 😉
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Katie - P.S. Jess…what kind of camera do you have?? You can get back to me at ckwestphal@hotmail.com or I can check back to this post if you have the time to answer. Thanks!
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Christina - That picture of him amongst the squash is tooo funny! It looks like they are climbing up onto him, and he is none too pleased! Cute.
And about a garden or a green thumb of any kind?
Our fake plants look dreadful; you don’t want to know what I end up doing to live ones.
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The Moffats - can’t wait to see the abundant harvest. can’t wait to squeeze that little boy’s cheeks. can’t wait to come! and my very favorite thing about this post? it’s the tiny john deere football laying on the blanket. hahahaha. 🙂 or maybe it’s levi’s super happy face…it’s a toss up.
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Amber - Did you start with seeds or plants that is amazing!I’m jealous…
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Alaina - Jess~ Do you have some recipes you might want to share for your butternut squash? I figured with 30+ squash that you are the expert squash maker by now! Someone just gave me one and I’m not sure what to do with it, excpet for the cake recipe post – thanks Anonymous!
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Anonymous - I know you asked Jess but here is another recipe that is a family (including kid) favorite in our house.
Butternut Squash Lasagna
Recipe courtesy Giada De Laurentiis (changed a bit)
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 (1 1/2 to 2-pound) butternut squash, peeled, seeded, and cut into 1-inch cubes
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
3 1/2 cups whole milk
Pinch nutmeg
3/4 cup (lightly packed) fresh basil leaves
12 no-boil lasagna noodles
2 1/2 cups shredded whole-milk mozzarella cheese
1/3 cup grated Parmesan
Heat the oil in a heavy large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the squash and toss to coat. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Pour the water into the skillet and then cover and simmer over medium heat until the squash is tender, stirring occasionally, about 20 minutes. Cool slightly and then transfer the squash to a food processor. Season the squash puree, to taste, with more salt and pepper.
Melt the butter in a heavy medium-size saucepan over medium heat. Add the flour and whisk for 1 minute. Gradually whisk in the milk. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce the heat to medium and simmer until the sauce thickens slightly, whisking often, about 5 minutes. Whisk in the nutmeg. Cool slightly. Transfer half of the sauce to a blender*. Add the basil and blend until smooth. Return the basil sauce to the sauce in the pan and stir to blend. Season the sauce with salt and pepper, to taste.
Position the rack in the center of the oven and preheat to 375 degrees F.
Lightly butter a 13 by 9 by 2-inch glass baking dish. Spread 3/4 cup of the sauce over the prepared baking dish. Arrange 3 lasagna noodles on the bottom of the pan. Spread 1/3 of the squash puree over the noodles. Sprinkle with 1/2 cup of mozzarella cheese. Drizzle 1/2 cup of sauce over the noodles. Repeat layering 3 more times.
Tightly cover the baking dish with foil and bake the lasagna for 40 minutes. Sprinkle the remaining mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses over the lasagna. Continue baking uncovered until the sauce bubbles and the top is golden, 15 minutes longer. Let the lasagna stand for 15 minutes before serving
Jen G.
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Miss G - woohoo! good for you! Kelly
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Alaina - Thanks Jen for the recipes!!
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